Post by Joe Snack Road on Nov 17, 2006 12:19:38 GMT -5
It’s a cold winter day, and outside of the non-descript office building in Rapid City, South Dakota, we, seeing through the camera lens of intrepid McLanahan Pro Wres News staffer Jessie Ray… They run and run, kinda like in those Dateline specials, but instead of harassing an innocent corporate executive, they find the most highly regarded woman in pro wrestling: Jo Ryder. She turns, looking on in confusion as the McPWN reporter breathes heavily, gasping for breath.
The business woman stops, turns towards the reporter and crosses her arms in front of her, using one hand to flick the red hair from her face as Ms. Ray recovers…
[Jo Ryder:] Feeling better now?
[Jessie Ray:] Y-yeah…
[J. Ryder:] As much as I’ve always wanted random reporters to rush me as I leave my office, I have to say, this wasn’t as exciting as the television would have me believe.
[Ray:] S-sorry… But, uh, uhm, it’s about your entry into LAWL, and the challenge you posed to the OMG Champion – and McPro wrestler – Ruby Moreno!
[J. Ryder:] I don’t think I quite caught your question there…
[Ray:] Oh! Uh. Why?
[J. Ryder:] Miss Ray, let me get wordy here, because that’s what I do. My name is Joann Laine Ryder, and I like to talk, and apparently, people like to listen to what I say. They read what I write on those fabled internets, and they send people like you to find out what people like me have to say.
Lets skip back a month or two, to the OG-Joshi Tag League, where, in teaming with the promising rising starlet Visper Karr, I found myself on the receiving end of a separated shoulder while struggling to escape the hold of one Haley Cannon.
[Ray:] This story sounds as if its going to be long, and painfully tedious.
[J. Ryder:] …While in the match, I became possessed with the idea of keeping up with Miss Cannon and her partner, Miss Valeriyah Belikov, to the point of neglecting the fact that not only was I hurt, but I had a perfectly healthy partner on the apron wanting to be tagged in for the purposes of kicking someone in the jaw. Possibly me, things are needlessly complicated in that department, but I swear I’m building up to a final announcement – not THE final announcement, but a final one, just the same.
[Ray:] Your vocal chords were severed by the rioting masses who couldn’t get the PS3 because someone bought it, mistaking it for a George Foreman Grill?
[J. Ryder:] I will be retiring from active competition in early 2007.
My “retirement tour,” as it could be called, will feature matches against women in McLanahan Pro, OG-Joshi, LAWL, and uh… well, I guess that’s really about it for places with notable women wrestlers.
The first announced match will be against LAWL OMG Champion Ruby Moreno, with another match I shall have being against McPro’s Jenny McLanahan at her “Warp.Star” show. The OG-FPD matches – I foresee there being more than one – will be announced in the future.
Despite my retirement from active competition, I will re
n an active manager – I have guided many men and women to championship glory, and I look forward to doing that after I have made one last test of the new generation of women’s wrestlers. My retirement will bring us closer to the end of the “Old Guard,” if you will, of women who’ve come into active competition and were instrumental in creating the organizations where women’s competition is not just a side show, but carries actual weight and voluminous talent.
[Ray:] You talked so much, I forgot what you started with.
[J. Ryder:] …no wonder you could only get work as a McPro reporter.
Scene fades, anticlimactically.
The business woman stops, turns towards the reporter and crosses her arms in front of her, using one hand to flick the red hair from her face as Ms. Ray recovers…
[Jo Ryder:] Feeling better now?
[Jessie Ray:] Y-yeah…
[J. Ryder:] As much as I’ve always wanted random reporters to rush me as I leave my office, I have to say, this wasn’t as exciting as the television would have me believe.
[Ray:] S-sorry… But, uh, uhm, it’s about your entry into LAWL, and the challenge you posed to the OMG Champion – and McPro wrestler – Ruby Moreno!
[J. Ryder:] I don’t think I quite caught your question there…
[Ray:] Oh! Uh. Why?
[J. Ryder:] Miss Ray, let me get wordy here, because that’s what I do. My name is Joann Laine Ryder, and I like to talk, and apparently, people like to listen to what I say. They read what I write on those fabled internets, and they send people like you to find out what people like me have to say.
Lets skip back a month or two, to the OG-Joshi Tag League, where, in teaming with the promising rising starlet Visper Karr, I found myself on the receiving end of a separated shoulder while struggling to escape the hold of one Haley Cannon.
[Ray:] This story sounds as if its going to be long, and painfully tedious.
[J. Ryder:] …While in the match, I became possessed with the idea of keeping up with Miss Cannon and her partner, Miss Valeriyah Belikov, to the point of neglecting the fact that not only was I hurt, but I had a perfectly healthy partner on the apron wanting to be tagged in for the purposes of kicking someone in the jaw. Possibly me, things are needlessly complicated in that department, but I swear I’m building up to a final announcement – not THE final announcement, but a final one, just the same.
[Ray:] Your vocal chords were severed by the rioting masses who couldn’t get the PS3 because someone bought it, mistaking it for a George Foreman Grill?
[J. Ryder:] I will be retiring from active competition in early 2007.
My “retirement tour,” as it could be called, will feature matches against women in McLanahan Pro, OG-Joshi, LAWL, and uh… well, I guess that’s really about it for places with notable women wrestlers.
The first announced match will be against LAWL OMG Champion Ruby Moreno, with another match I shall have being against McPro’s Jenny McLanahan at her “Warp.Star” show. The OG-FPD matches – I foresee there being more than one – will be announced in the future.
Despite my retirement from active competition, I will re
n an active manager – I have guided many men and women to championship glory, and I look forward to doing that after I have made one last test of the new generation of women’s wrestlers. My retirement will bring us closer to the end of the “Old Guard,” if you will, of women who’ve come into active competition and were instrumental in creating the organizations where women’s competition is not just a side show, but carries actual weight and voluminous talent.[Ray:] You talked so much, I forgot what you started with.
[J. Ryder:] …no wonder you could only get work as a McPro reporter.
Scene fades, anticlimactically.