Post by mike on Sept 19, 2006 18:07:37 GMT -5
(Scene opens in the general rec area of Valiant Underground Headquarters. Sitting about on chairs or couches are several members of the squad: Thunder Strike, Frog Jones, Wyatt McKidd, Mercer Spade and Red Coogan. They all appear rather solemn and, given the events that happened just a few days prior one can’t really blame them for it. But it is not just the loss of Fiero, and so many other men who they fought hard to save, unsuccessfully, which lends to their ennui. No, like many soldiers who are left with nothing to fight they are finding it difficult to switch from ‘go’ mode to a more peacetime oriented mindset …)
Jones: Damn painkillers ain’t doing a thing …
McKidd: That elbow still botherin’ ya, kid?
Jones: Well what do you think? I shattered my humerus!
Spade: (Snickering) Yeah, it is pretty funny …
Jones: (Whipping his head around at Spade) Fuck you! Man, I am SO sick of your negative bullshit …
Spade: (Rising up from his chair) Yeah, what are you going to do about it runt?
(Red Coogan rises up from his chair to restrain Spade by grabbing him from behind with one arm and lifting him into the air. At that moment Captain Kickass walks into the room and barks for them all to behave themselves)
Kickass: What is the meaning of this? I did not train you to squabble amongst yourselves like common animals!!
Coogan: (Releasing Spade, who hits the floor roughly and then rubs his neck gingerly) Sorry Cap.
Thunder Strike: You should be, you big oaf. All of you are completely undisciplined.
McKidd: I’ve had about enough of this ass kisser! Let me at him!!
(Captain Kickass holds him back with one arm, while doing the same to Thunder Strike, who has clearly taken offense to McKidd’s insult)
Kickass: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!! ALL OF YOU, SIT AND LISTEN TO ME!!!!
(They all do, muttering under their breath while exchanging sidelong glances at one another)
Kickass: Now, I understand that you were let down when Baker refused to join the unit, but he just wants to get back to wrestling again. We should be grateful that he aided us as much as he did in the Negadome.
(A few harrumphs can be heard at this)
Kickass: And I know you are eager to get back on the trail of any additional Lunanite followers, but as for now, that trail is cold! Armitage is hard at work tracking down any word of their activity and once we get it, I guarantee we will hunt them down with extreme prejudice!!
(More harrumphs, and Spade chuckles loudly)
Kickass: We should be enjoying this time off! Tommy Fiero has bought us time to relax, rendered the Lunanite followers relatively impotent! I am ordering all of you to take a leave from VU HQ, go out and indulge your favorite hobbies and report back in a week’s time, or, if I hear sooner I will personally contact you about a mission. Until then, I don’t want to see any one of you! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!
All: YES SIR!!
(They all stand up and begin to leave the room, save for Wyatt McKidd, who stops Kickass to have a word with him)
McKidd: Cap?
Kickass: Yes, soldier?
McKidd: Well, I was wonderin’ if I might have some more time off, maybe an extra week. I want to track down Tommy’s family; his real family that thinks he died years ago, let them know what a brave man he was.
Kickass: I think that’s a fine idea Jonas …
(Awkward pause)
McKidd: You mean, Wyatt, right?
Kickass: Awwww, shit ….
Off Camera Voice: CUT!! Goddamn it Cap, that’s the fifth time today man!! I wanna wrap this fucking thing up so we can make our release date!!
Kickass: (Sheepishly) Sorry, Tommy.
(And with that, Tommy Fiero walks out in front of the camera, wearing old timey director’s spats and carrying a riding crop. McKidd can’t help but laugh)
McKidd: Jesus, Tommy, I’m sorry but you look ridiculous.
Fiero: (Laughing) Blow me, Jonas! This is the final day of shooting bro, and I just wanted to honor it with a little bit of flair.
(Kickass is laughing too and it’s clear they aren’t going to be able to resume shooting right away)
Fiero: Awww, fuck. Let’s take five … and don’t take that damn face paint off!!
(Kickass whips a towel across the back of his neck and waves him off while walking away)
McKidd: You know I’m just ribbing you man.
Fiero: Yeah, dude, you’ve been doing it since we were kids. I’d think something was up if you stopped now.
McKidd: (Laughing) Yeah …
Fiero: Seriously though, if he calls you Jonas ONE MORE TIME …
McKidd: Well, it is a little confusing. I play my fictional twin brother and my own namesake in this film, but yeah dude, don’t sweat it. You didn’t hire him for his acting ability. Hell, you didn’t hire most of these guys for that.
Fiero: Yeah man, I know. I mean shit, there’s no way I could make the greatest wrestling movie EVAR without great wrestlers, right?
McKidd: (Groans, he’s heard what’s about to come a million times already) C’mon man, don’t start …
Fiero: I can’t help it bro! We’re so close to release!! All these months man, all these web logs and wrestling shows and the coverage on CNN and FOX and everything, man, we are getting more advanced hype for ‘Wrestle Wars’ than any other movie in history! We are going to make a billion dollars, we are going to eclipse, pardon the pun, even Titanic dude!!
McKidd: Yeah, yeah …
Fiero: Man, don’t just blow this off! I couldn’t have done any of this without you and Jeremiah and, hey, where is he anyways?
McKidd: Dizzy is on the set today so, well, you figure it out …
Fiero: (Laughing) That dude is insatiable.
McKidd: Yeah, tell me about it.
Fiero: Well hell, get him back out here so we can finish up. I’ve added a final shot of you two standing out on a hill watching a full moon, like totally framed like the last shot in ‘Empire Strikes Back’. It’s going to be so fucking cool.
McKidd: (Rolls eyes) Hey man, whatever, you’re the auteur. I would have ended it with the bit in the lava room but hey, what do I know?
Fiero: (Wrapping his arm around McKidd) Jonas, Jonas, Jonas, you just gotta trust me man. I need to leave things open for a sequel, ya know?
McKidd: Sequel?
Fiero: Totally! If this … I mean WHEN this hits big, we gotta capitalize! I’m thinking … ‘Wrestle Wars Two: The Wilding’, but I’m still working on that …
McKidd: (Arches an eyebrow at him) Dude … one thing at a time …
Fiero: We’ve gotten this far and I haven’t let you down, right?
McKidd: Yeah …
Fiero: Really man, don’t sweat it. After production wraps I’m sending the whole mess to get edited, we already got a trailer that’s going to start running to coincide with the promotional tour, which starts Friday by the way, that is going to take us on a whirlwind trip through the talk show circuit AND wrestling companies all over the states! Jeremiah’s already got us booked at McPro, man!
McKidd: Ummmm, are you SURE that’s a good idea? People might be a little sore about all the sleight of hand carnie promotional tactics.
Fiero: C’mooaaaan … (Stops directly in front of him and does a ‘Fonz’ pose) I’m Thomas R. Fiero brother! They LOVE me!
McKidd: (Begins laughing again) I’m … man, I’m sorry but that get-up …
Fiero: (Waves him off and then looks into the camera) ‘Wrestle Wars’ … coming to a theatre near you! Whoo! Yeah!
(Tommy then walks back behind the camera and calls out …)
Fiero: Allrighty, let’s get this wrapped up guys. I got Hollywood starlets waiting, STARLETS I TELLS YA!!
Jones: Damn painkillers ain’t doing a thing …
McKidd: That elbow still botherin’ ya, kid?
Jones: Well what do you think? I shattered my humerus!
Spade: (Snickering) Yeah, it is pretty funny …
Jones: (Whipping his head around at Spade) Fuck you! Man, I am SO sick of your negative bullshit …
Spade: (Rising up from his chair) Yeah, what are you going to do about it runt?
(Red Coogan rises up from his chair to restrain Spade by grabbing him from behind with one arm and lifting him into the air. At that moment Captain Kickass walks into the room and barks for them all to behave themselves)
Kickass: What is the meaning of this? I did not train you to squabble amongst yourselves like common animals!!
Coogan: (Releasing Spade, who hits the floor roughly and then rubs his neck gingerly) Sorry Cap.
Thunder Strike: You should be, you big oaf. All of you are completely undisciplined.
McKidd: I’ve had about enough of this ass kisser! Let me at him!!
(Captain Kickass holds him back with one arm, while doing the same to Thunder Strike, who has clearly taken offense to McKidd’s insult)
Kickass: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!! ALL OF YOU, SIT AND LISTEN TO ME!!!!
(They all do, muttering under their breath while exchanging sidelong glances at one another)
Kickass: Now, I understand that you were let down when Baker refused to join the unit, but he just wants to get back to wrestling again. We should be grateful that he aided us as much as he did in the Negadome.
(A few harrumphs can be heard at this)
Kickass: And I know you are eager to get back on the trail of any additional Lunanite followers, but as for now, that trail is cold! Armitage is hard at work tracking down any word of their activity and once we get it, I guarantee we will hunt them down with extreme prejudice!!
(More harrumphs, and Spade chuckles loudly)
Kickass: We should be enjoying this time off! Tommy Fiero has bought us time to relax, rendered the Lunanite followers relatively impotent! I am ordering all of you to take a leave from VU HQ, go out and indulge your favorite hobbies and report back in a week’s time, or, if I hear sooner I will personally contact you about a mission. Until then, I don’t want to see any one of you! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!
All: YES SIR!!
(They all stand up and begin to leave the room, save for Wyatt McKidd, who stops Kickass to have a word with him)
McKidd: Cap?
Kickass: Yes, soldier?
McKidd: Well, I was wonderin’ if I might have some more time off, maybe an extra week. I want to track down Tommy’s family; his real family that thinks he died years ago, let them know what a brave man he was.
Kickass: I think that’s a fine idea Jonas …
(Awkward pause)
McKidd: You mean, Wyatt, right?
Kickass: Awwww, shit ….
Off Camera Voice: CUT!! Goddamn it Cap, that’s the fifth time today man!! I wanna wrap this fucking thing up so we can make our release date!!
Kickass: (Sheepishly) Sorry, Tommy.
(And with that, Tommy Fiero walks out in front of the camera, wearing old timey director’s spats and carrying a riding crop. McKidd can’t help but laugh)
McKidd: Jesus, Tommy, I’m sorry but you look ridiculous.
Fiero: (Laughing) Blow me, Jonas! This is the final day of shooting bro, and I just wanted to honor it with a little bit of flair.
(Kickass is laughing too and it’s clear they aren’t going to be able to resume shooting right away)
Fiero: Awww, fuck. Let’s take five … and don’t take that damn face paint off!!
(Kickass whips a towel across the back of his neck and waves him off while walking away)
McKidd: You know I’m just ribbing you man.
Fiero: Yeah, dude, you’ve been doing it since we were kids. I’d think something was up if you stopped now.
McKidd: (Laughing) Yeah …
Fiero: Seriously though, if he calls you Jonas ONE MORE TIME …
McKidd: Well, it is a little confusing. I play my fictional twin brother and my own namesake in this film, but yeah dude, don’t sweat it. You didn’t hire him for his acting ability. Hell, you didn’t hire most of these guys for that.
Fiero: Yeah man, I know. I mean shit, there’s no way I could make the greatest wrestling movie EVAR without great wrestlers, right?
McKidd: (Groans, he’s heard what’s about to come a million times already) C’mon man, don’t start …
Fiero: I can’t help it bro! We’re so close to release!! All these months man, all these web logs and wrestling shows and the coverage on CNN and FOX and everything, man, we are getting more advanced hype for ‘Wrestle Wars’ than any other movie in history! We are going to make a billion dollars, we are going to eclipse, pardon the pun, even Titanic dude!!
McKidd: Yeah, yeah …
Fiero: Man, don’t just blow this off! I couldn’t have done any of this without you and Jeremiah and, hey, where is he anyways?
McKidd: Dizzy is on the set today so, well, you figure it out …
Fiero: (Laughing) That dude is insatiable.
McKidd: Yeah, tell me about it.
Fiero: Well hell, get him back out here so we can finish up. I’ve added a final shot of you two standing out on a hill watching a full moon, like totally framed like the last shot in ‘Empire Strikes Back’. It’s going to be so fucking cool.
McKidd: (Rolls eyes) Hey man, whatever, you’re the auteur. I would have ended it with the bit in the lava room but hey, what do I know?
Fiero: (Wrapping his arm around McKidd) Jonas, Jonas, Jonas, you just gotta trust me man. I need to leave things open for a sequel, ya know?
McKidd: Sequel?
Fiero: Totally! If this … I mean WHEN this hits big, we gotta capitalize! I’m thinking … ‘Wrestle Wars Two: The Wilding’, but I’m still working on that …
McKidd: (Arches an eyebrow at him) Dude … one thing at a time …
Fiero: We’ve gotten this far and I haven’t let you down, right?
McKidd: Yeah …
Fiero: Really man, don’t sweat it. After production wraps I’m sending the whole mess to get edited, we already got a trailer that’s going to start running to coincide with the promotional tour, which starts Friday by the way, that is going to take us on a whirlwind trip through the talk show circuit AND wrestling companies all over the states! Jeremiah’s already got us booked at McPro, man!
McKidd: Ummmm, are you SURE that’s a good idea? People might be a little sore about all the sleight of hand carnie promotional tactics.
Fiero: C’mooaaaan … (Stops directly in front of him and does a ‘Fonz’ pose) I’m Thomas R. Fiero brother! They LOVE me!
McKidd: (Begins laughing again) I’m … man, I’m sorry but that get-up …
Fiero: (Waves him off and then looks into the camera) ‘Wrestle Wars’ … coming to a theatre near you! Whoo! Yeah!
(Tommy then walks back behind the camera and calls out …)
Fiero: Allrighty, let’s get this wrapped up guys. I got Hollywood starlets waiting, STARLETS I TELLS YA!!